On Finding Grace

By: Paige Sutter, LPC

In today’s culture it can be extremely difficult to find grace. You live in a world of perfect Instagram pictures and a constant awareness of how so-and-so’s husband brings home flowers at least once a week. You are continuously bombarded with trends that you feel the need to keep up with, and as soon as you get the cropped jeans you realize that it was flare all along. Not to mention, your friend just ditched on your coffee date and posted a picture with her new coworker instead. With all of these thoughts swirling around in your head, how are you ever supposed to find grace to forgive the people who inevitably hurt you? And more importantly, how can you begin to give them grace when you can’t find it for yourself? 

I struggled with these questions constantly throughout my early adulthood. I grew up in a small town where everyone knew everyone, and I learned at any early age how it important it was to have a perfect reputation. I made good grades, I joined the cheer squad, and I did everything I could to make my family proud. I listened to the little voice in my head whispering “If you never mess up, you will never let anyone down.” This worked really well for me until I made it to college and realized how easily everything had come to me as a child. Then, suddenly, I was no longer at the top and had to work much harder to keep my head above water. I struggled through changing majors, a handful of terrible dating experiences, and finding my own identity in Christ before finally graduating with a master’s degree and the man of my dreams.

At this point, from the outside, it looked like I had it all figured out. I became a bonus mom, then a therapist, then a mom again, all while married to my best friend. I had the life I always dreamed of, and still I struggled with that little voice telling me I would never be good enough. I knew all of the sermons on this one, and I constantly prayed for the confidence and peace that I thought I needed. I would go to a social event on the weekend, have a panic attack, and then feel like an imposter as I helped a client through their own that same week. Throughout this constant internal battle what kept me growing and improving was the unwavering faith that God never left me through all of it. 

Flash forward to 2021 – I was diagnosed with a brain tumor. My world came crashing down around me, and the tiny bit of control I had managed to hang on to was ripped away during a twenty-minute appointment with a neurologist. In the year that followed I learned more about myself than I had learned in the twenty-plus years prior, and my number one takeaway was that I needed grace. I did not need some kind of magical peace or confidence boost to change the world; I just needed to have the faith to get through the next day. I had to relearn what God’s grace looked like, I had to learn to have grace for myself, and I had to learn how to find it for others. I don’t have it all figured out yet, but I learn more and more every day.

I continue to believe that everything I have been through happened for a reason, and my hope is that I can help you to find that grace as well. This desire led me to take a leap of faith and begin Finding Grace Counseling in the same year that I was diagnosed with a chronic disease. Whether it is a diagnosis, an past relationship, crippling social anxiety, or just that little voice in your head that never stops, you are not alone in your feelings of helplessness. My goal is to come alongside you and empower you to restore your faith in God and yourself and to begin to take the first small step towards grace. 

“Each time He said, ‘My grace is all you need. My power works best in weakness.’ So now I am glad to boast about my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ can work through me.”

2 Corinthians 12:9