How to Support a Loved One Who is Struggling

By: Paige Sutter, LPC

Sometimes, supporting a loved one through a difficult time can be harder than going through it yourself. Whether it is grief, addiction, divorce, or a stressful life event, it can be challenging to try to think of the perfect words to say.

The truth is, they don’t exist! Even therapists do not always have the right words to say. Luckily, most of the time your loved one will not remember the exact words you say anyway. They will remember that you were there, and they will remember that they can count on you in the future.

Here are some suggestions for the next time you do not know what to say:

• Sit with them in silence – Sometimes, just your presence is enough to speak a thousand words. Sit quietly, without attempting to fill the void with a device or conversation, to show them that you are available.
• Offer to meet a specific need – Rather than ask “What can I do for you?”, offer something specific and simple: “I would love to pick up groceries for you. I will leave them on the porch.” Often when people are in crisis mode, even knowing what they need can be difficult. Taking away the burden of decision-making gives them the opportunity to accept help without feeling like a burden.
• Wait until they are ready for feedback – It can be tempting to want to share similar situations you have been in or offer advice that you know will be helpful. However, if the person is not ready to listen yet, they will immediately shut down when you do so. Listen to them empathetically and ask before sharing any insight or personal experience.
• Acknowledge the pain they are experiencing – Although it can be tempting to try, not every negative thought needs to be turned into a positive. Sometimes, it is okay to just acknowledge how terrible a situation is. In a world full of quick solutions and inspirational reels, it can be meaningful to simply sit in the pain with someone for a while and allow them to work through it.
• “Tell me what this is like for you.” – When all else fails, try to be curious and learn more about their experience. Even if you are going through the situation with them, it does not mean you are experiencing it the same way. The more someone feels understood, the more likely they will be to communicate their feelings to you again in the future.

If you have struggled with any of these doubts or feelings of inadequacy when supporting a loved one, know that you are not alone. Often caregivers and loved ones can feel the burden just as heavily as the person directly experiencing it, especially when addiction or mental health struggles are involved. If you do not get the support you need, you will not be able to help those who need you most. Please reach out to us at 501-335-2438 to see how we can help support you as you support others. If we are not the best fit, we will help you to find it!